End This

I walked swiftly around the corner and paused when I saw Riddell Tower standing tall and inviting. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take the pain that lurked like my shadow, always following me, always reminding me. That fateful day crowded my head like a full elevator trapping people inside. There was no way around it. Unless…



I stared at the door of Riddell. There was only one way to end the sickness that plagued my thoughts and actions. As I paced forward to begin such an unacceptable deed, a wave of black birds washed out of the overhang of the door. I screamed with all my might as I had the day when everything changed. THUD. THUD. THUD. I didn’t look back. I knew that feathers were floating to the ground behind me following the death of their owners. I walked in, not even second thinking what I was about to do. It was decided.


The stairway seemed to take forever to climb. It lured me up. One by one it felt as if the stairs faded away into blackness after I carefully stepped to the next one. There was no turning back; this had to be done. As I reached the bell tower, I stopped. Maybe a prayer would help me.


Lord, please take this away. I’m not sure if what I’m about to do is right in your book, but it’s the only answer I can think of. I hope you understand and forgive me.


That should suffice. Now, for the grand finale. I looked down from the edge of the tower of doom. The tower that had always loomed over my life at this hellhole of a college. It stands here as a constant reminder of the unbelievable death of a young girl who was destined for greatness. Her name was Melissa Mage, and she was loved by everyone on campus at that time. The power of love had taken her too far. Shortly after she got engaged to a boy, he died in a terrible car accident. The loss was unbearable for her, and she jumped from the tower to her death. Surely, what I was about to do would change the entire meaning of this tower. After me it would be known as the Tower of Good Riddance.


The ground looked farther away than before, and I swayed. Forget trying to steady myself now. I was going to do it anyway. I let it take me down with the wind blowing soft in my hair. It felt just like floating on a gentle breeze. The air folded me in like a comforting blanket. THUD. I hit the ground just like the birds. I didn’t feel a thing. Was I dead? If I was dead, death was really boring. I still felt the pain of my past; I didn’t feel any pain of the fall though. Weird. Death was dark, and it wasn’t the relief I dreamed it would be. It was dark nothingness full of blankness and blah.


“Open your eyes Kisslah. Are you okay? What are you doing on the ground in the middle of campus?” Is that you God? Am I really still on campus, except like a campus of death or something? This really isn’t what I expected. I opened my eyes and the darkness lifted. I couldn’t believe who I saw standing before me.


“Steven? What are you doing here?” He stood like a beautiful statue staring down at me with helpful blue eyes that pulled me in like an ocean undertow. The dimples on his cheeks made him seem like an innocent youth, but his sideways smirk offered that he had more on his mind than boyish fantasies. His hair was dirty blonde and long enough so that it covered his eyes and ears mysteriously but not to the point of looking like hygiene was an unknown value. He had perfect muscles bulging from underneath his shirt, but he was slender. All of the girls on campus looked his way; I knew I never stood a chance. If I was in heaven, this is what I pictured it to be like.


I never replied to him; instead, I stared at him in a hypnotic trance. He picked me up as if I was a cherry ripe for his picking. I didn’t complain as he carried me through the threshold of the nurse’s office and set me on the couch. I watched as he called the nurse telling her that he found me face down on the ground. Steven was oh-so-perfect. I stared at him until he looked back at me. I was quick to look away, and then I felt like a total creeper. The nurse made her way over to me asking what happened. What had happened? Hadn’t I jumped off of Riddell Tower? Hadn’t I tried to kill myself?